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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28928910">I Hope You Don’t Mind That I Put Down In Words...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayward_sherlock/pseuds/wayward_sherlock'>wayward_sherlock</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Breakfast in Bed, Castiel Needs a Hug, Castiel is a Sweetheart, Crying, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Dean Winchester is NOT in denial, Dean Winchester is a mama bear, Dean is a Sweetheart, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of Crying, Lots of Cuddling, M/M, Protective Dean Winchester, Sad Castiel (Supernatural), Sorry Not Sorry, and lots of snuggling, for many different reasons, my heart melted while writing this</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:41:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,319</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28928910</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayward_sherlock/pseuds/wayward_sherlock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>...how wonderful life is, now you’re in the world :)</p><p>Cas screws up on a hunt and starts to spiral. Dean’s there for him. Lots of feelings being felt and chick-flick moments, but Dean’s okay with that.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel &amp; Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Hope You Don’t Mind That I Put Down In Words...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/IAmSorry__sendmeaprompt/gifts">IAmSorry__sendmeaprompt</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>IAmSorry__sendmeaprompt: this is your bribe. I’m sorry it took so long, but it worked, didn’t it? :p</p><p>yes, the title is *indeed* an Elton John song (though the Ewan McGregor version is great too), how did you guess? :))</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cas was tired. </p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t just physically exhausted; he was really tired of messing up, really tired of breaking everything he touched, really tired of <em> existing.  </em></p><p> </p><p>It seemed as though no matter what he did, no matter who he trusted, it always came back to bite him in the ass. And this time, it could’ve gotten the Winchesters killed.</p><p> </p><p>That was unacceptable.</p><p> </p><p>Cas was sitting in his room, staring at the wall when Dean came in. Cas didn’t even register the other presence in the room until Dean put a cautious hand on his shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, buddy,” Dean said quietly, sitting down next to Cas on the bed. Cas stiffened, but didn’t avert his gaze from the wall. “You doin’ okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Cas just nodded, tracing the lines on the wall with his eyes, the ebb and flow of the water stains and cracks until a gentle finger was placed under his chin. The -oh, it was a hand now- the hand carefully turned Cas’ head until it was facing Dean’s worried gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“I know you’re lying,” Dean whispered, rubbing his thumb soothingly over Cas’ chin. </p><p> </p><p>Cas felt his lip quiver slightly, but schooled his expression before anything else could slip through. “How are you, Dean?” He asked, his voice tight.</p><p> </p><p>Dean’s eyes softened with understanding. “I’m doing okay, man,” he said, dropping his hand from Cas’ chin in favor of hesitantly grabbing his hand.</p><p> </p><p>Cas’ lip quivered again. He looked away, blinking back tears.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, whoa,” Dean said, standing up from the bed just to squat down in front of Cas. “Look at me.”</p><p> </p><p>Cas looked down at his feet, tears threatening to spill onto his cheeks. Dean nudged his head up until he was seeing Dean through blurry eyes. “Talk to me, man,” Dean said softly, worry prominent in his chiseled features. </p><p> </p><p>“You and Sam almost <em> died </em> because of a mistake I made an-and-” Cas was crying freely now, the weight of his mistakes forcing the tears out of his eyes. “I can’t lose you.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean’s eyes widened just slightly, and his cheeks pinked the tiniest bit. He licked his lips and looked like he was contemplating how to react when Cas let out a strangled hiccup. Dean cleared his throat and stood up awkwardly. “May I?” he asked, gesturing to the bed.</p><p> </p><p>Cas looked up at him, tilting his head to the side and squinting through watery eyes. “May you what, Dean?” he asked, his voice higher pitched than usual with emotion.</p><p> </p><p>Dean looked at him for a long moment, something Cas couldn’t quite place passing through his eyes before he toed off the slippers he had been wearing. Dean went around to the other side of Cas’ bed and folded the covers away from where they were tucked into the top corner. He climbed into the sheets, then unfolded the covers even more and patted the spot next to him, suddenly very interested in the loose thread on the cuff of his flannel.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m...not sure I understand,” Cas admitted, standing up so he could face Dean better. The hunter’s face was a nice shade of pink, like he was just getting over a sunburn. The color on his chin made his freckles stand out even more, and Cas could spend millenia counting them-</p><p> </p><p>“Would you-” Dean licked his lips and put a hand behind his neck. Then he took a deep breath, set his jaw, and looked at Cas, determination on his face. “Would you like to cuddle with me?”</p><p> </p><p>Cas’ eyes widened. “I thought you prefer being the little spoon,” he breathed, but climbed into bed with Dean regardless, settling into his side and placing his head where Dean’s neck met his shoulder and chest. Dean huffed a laugh that Cas could both feel and hear.</p><p> </p><p>It was a beautiful sound. </p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe I’ve been outed,” Dean chuckled, and he paused for a moment before apparently deciding to place a light kiss on the top of Cas’ head. Cas could hear Dean’s heartbeat increase with the proximity and could feel his own heartbeat thumping in his chest. </p><p> </p><p>“It really wasn’t that hard to figure out. You seem to crave other people’s touch,” Cas said, and Dean pulled his head back to look at him. “I apologize if I’m overstepping boundaries.”</p><p> </p><p>One side of Dean’s mouth pulled up as he looked at Cas before settling back against the head of the bed, allowing Cas his position back. “There are some times, like right now for instance, when everyone needs to be held,” Dean explained, rubbing his thumb up and down Cas’ bicep, sending shivers through his body. “I just enjoy being held most of the time. Makes up for when I was a kid.”</p><p> </p><p>Cas looked up at him as Dean seemed to realize what he said. “But that doesn’t matter right now,” he said quickly, before squeezing Cas’ arm and pulling him back towards his chest. “Right now, you need to know that it wasn’t your fault. It’s an occupational hazard, and we just have to deal with it if we want to help people, which I know you do.”</p><p> </p><p>Cas sighed, tears welling up again. “I just-” he started, but his voice broke and his throat felt like it was swelling shut. Dean shushed him gently, pressing his lips into Cas’ hair again and humming softly.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“I just keep messing up,” Cas finally whispered. “I always trust the wrong people, and I put you and Sam in danger by trusting that Mrs. Warren was telling the truth. She could’ve killed you,” the last sentence came out as a pathetic broken whisper, and Cas closed his eyes, causing a tear to roll out of each of his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“But she didn’t,” Dean said quietly, hugging Cas tightly. “I’m still here, you’re still here, Sam’s still here, even though he’s an ass,” Cas laughed at that, though it was strained “-and that’s all that matters. Who gives a shit about whether you messed up or not, hmm? I mess up all the time, and I don’t worry about it.” </p><p> </p><p>Cas pulled away to shoot Dean a look before snuggling back into his chest. Dean laughed. “Okay, maybe I do worry about it, but the point is that I make mistakes, too. Everybody does, it’s part of living,” Dean stopped, looking up and thinking of how to prove his point.</p><p><br/>
”You can’t tell me that God didn’t make mistakes, like when he created kale or hangovers. But he also made some pretty great things, like Baby, and honeybees,” Dean paused for a moment, inhaling a shaky breath. “-and you.”</p><p> </p><p>Cas sniffled again, crying for a whole different reason now. “No, no, stop! That was supposed to make you feel better,” Dean said, frantically rubbing his whole hand up and down Cas’ arm in an attempt to stop the tears. “C’mon, Cas, you know I’m no good at this stuff.”</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Dean,” Cas said, interlacing his fingers with Dean’s free hand and studying the differences. Dean’s hand was larger, slightly more tan, and rough from years of hunting and fixing cars. Cas’ hand was smller and more nimble, his skin soft from his grace.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
Dean’s hand was also sweaty. “You’re welcome. Now, I’m going to stay here for as long as you need me to, okay? I ain’t ever leaving,” he said, and Cas believed him.</p><p> </p><p>He wasn’t sure why, but he was suddenly very tired. Crying must take a lot out of an angel for his eyes to be drooping closed, the room spinning lazily. “Dean-”</p><p> </p><p>Dean hummed a response, but Cas was already asleep. </p><p><br/>
•🐝•</p><p> </p><p>Cas woke up with his face in the mattress and-</p><p> </p><p>He sighed. Of course Dean had left after he’d fallen asleep. Why would Dean stay?</p><p> </p><p>Cas was about to flip over and stare at the ceiling, wallowing in his misery (again) when his door opened. </p><p> </p><p>“Good morning,” Dean said pleasantly, holding a tray in his hands that had something on it and closing the door with his foot. Cas sat up and rubbed his eyes, and when he moved his hands, he saw that Dean was shaking with laughter. </p><p> </p><p>“What?” Cas asked, both hurt and grumpy. He had forgotten how much sleep disoriented him, and he <em> really </em>didn’t enjoy the feeling. </p><p> </p><p>Dean smiled at him, a dimple Cas had never seen before showing up in his cheek before he shook his head and sat the tray in front of Cas on the bed. “Your hair…” Dean said, spinning his finger in a circle on the side of his head. His voice was the sound wave version of happiness, and Cas realized how little he heard Dean talk like that.</p><p><br/>
Cas immediately reached up to fix his hair, but a hand on his wrist stopped him. “No, no, it’s cute. You should leave it,” Dean said, and his face immediately heated up. </p><p> </p><p>Cas crossed his arms and eyed the food in front of him suspiciously. Dean seemed to understand what he was saying, because he sighed and sat down on the bed. “Yes, I know, angels don’t eat, but you were sleeping,” Dean’s face lit up for a minute. “Okay, off topic, but you were snoring the most adorable snores I have ever heard,” the top of Dean’s ears went a dark shade of pink. </p><p> </p><p>Cas blinked at Dean, reaching for the cup of coffee on the tray. “Anyways, you were sleeping, and angels don’t do that either, but I figured you’ve been under a lot of stress lately so maybe that was the reason? Well, either way, I guessed that you could probably use some sustenance,” Dean said, gesturing to the tray of an assortment of breakfast foods. He snagged a piece of bacon and started munching on it happily. </p><p> </p><p>“I have not had to eat since I was human. I don’t even know where to begin,” Cas said, a little intimidated. </p><p> </p><p>Dean pointed to the steaming cup of coffee in Cas’ hands first. “That’s a good place to start,” he said, then continued to point at all the different foods with his half-eaten piece of bacon. “Eggs, sausage, toast, and orange juice are all good,” Dean explained. Then he sighed and looked at his piece of bacon in adoration. “Bacon is the food of the gods, so obviously you have to eat some. But if you don’t, then that means more for me!” Dean then narrowed his eyes at Cas. “If you don’t like bacon, I will kill you.”</p><p> </p><p>Cas’ eyes widened as he grabbed a piece of bacon. It was good, he decided, a little on the crunchy side and it tasted like molecules, but he would like it for Dean. </p><p> </p><p>He then remembered that as a human he had <em> hated </em> sausage, so he steered clear of that. He was about to take a bite of his eggs when Dean stood suddenly. </p><p> </p><p>“I have to show you something,” he said, and his voice was so nervous and stoic that Cas furrowed his brow. </p><p> </p><p>“What is it?”<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Dean shook his head. “If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean grabbed Cas’ hand and hauled him out of bed, and Cas let himself be led through the bunker until they arrived at the garage. </p><p> </p><p>Cas looked around curiously, because Dean had rarely ever let him anywhere near the classic cars that were held in there (something about headlights busting when Cas got excited).</p><p> </p><p>Dean led the way over to Baby, who was parked next to Dorothy’s motorcycle and an old Cadillac. Cas was confused. “Where are we going, Dean?”</p><p> </p><p>Dean grinned over his shoulder and then let go of Cas’ hand, his fingers skimming over Baby’s paint as he walked around her with a childlike awe that Cas didn’t see nearly enough. </p><p> </p><p>When he got to the other side, Dean opened the back door and climbed in. </p><p> </p><p><em> Um. </em> Cas had seen enough movies to know what happens in the backseat of a car. </p><p> </p><p>Dean motioned for Cas to get in the back too. Cas hesitated for a moment, but then he shrugged and opened the door. </p><p> </p><p>As he settled in, Cas glanced over to see Dean looking at him with a small smile. “What?” Cas asked self-consciously. He looked over his shoulder and out the window, but nothing was there. </p><p> </p><p>When he turned back around, Dean was still smiling at him. </p><p> </p><p>“What?” Cas reiterated. </p><p> </p><p>Dean chuckled. “Am I not allowed to appreciate beauty?”</p><p> </p><p>Cas blushed, and Dean seemed to shake himself out of...whatever <em> that </em> was. He gestured for Cas to scoot closer to him, and Cas complied.</p><p> </p><p>Dean was sitting on his knees, looking out the back window, so Cas mirrored him, but Dean shook his head. He gently grabbed Cas’ chin and moved it until Cas was looking down. </p><p> </p><p>Cas almost started crying all over again. </p><p> </p><p>“Sammy and I carved those in when we were little,” Dean explained, tracing the <em> SW </em> and the <em> DW </em> with his finger, an almost nostalgic expression on his face. He looked up at Cas and a wide, proud smile lit up his face, making Cas’ heart melt. “I carved this one in while you were sleeping.”</p><p> </p><p>Dean grabbed Cas’ hand and guided it over the <em> CW, </em>whispering “You’re part of the family now. I mean, I don’t know why I didn’t do it earlier, you were always part of the family, but now it’s-” Dean hesitated, looking for the right word. “-<em>official</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Cas had no words. He turned to Dean and leaned forward, barely pressing his lips to Dean’s. Dean smiled against his lips and returned it, just a feather light kiss. </p><p> </p><p>“Thank you,” Cas said, leaning his forehead against Dean’s.</p><p> </p><p>Dean chuckled. “For what?”</p><p> </p><p>Cas sighed and pulled away to look at Dean. His green eyes, his freckles, his jaw, his <em> soul. </em> “For being <em> you </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>The shy smile he got in return was one of his favorites so far. </p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>you’re awesome :) every single one of you. whatever is happening in your life, you got this. I believe in you, and so do our boys ;)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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